I just really cant go on help me please?

your feelings of suicide need to be addressed by a professional...this site filled with nasty sarcastic people is not going to help you the way you need help. It sounds like you are pretty miserable without him. Let me tell you, that feeling of miserable it written all over your face and is probably radiating off of you which in turn is pushing people away...you cannot make your soul mate happy or fall in love with you if you cannot make YOURSELF happy and fall in love with YOUSELF first. The rest falls into place once you become 100 percent satisfied with who you are. If he is capable of falling for you feelings always have a way of changing, but if you are negative and sad and miserable all the time, do you really think he wants to be around that 24/7?